I believe people that come onto our life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Those individuals that come onto our path for a reason can have the greatest impact in the shortest amount of time. They are there to teach us something or the relationship is designed to help shine light on an area that we still need to heal. I call them angels in disguise. Some interactions with earth angels are light, joy-filled and pleasant while others are painful and confusing. I am inspired to share my recent encounter with an angel in disguise.
A few months ago I was guided to find a new local physician instead of commuting an hour to see my previous doctor. I went in for my first appointment, shared my medical history and she ordered an array of tests. She told me she would request my records so she had a complete history. A couple weeks later after all my tests were completed I received a call to review my results. I didn’t get a sense that anything was wrong but that she preferred to review results in person instead of by phone.
As I sat in the examination room I was feeling optimistic and my sense in my heart was that everything was going to be normal. My doctor came in the door and sat at her computer clicking on tabs and opening her electronic files. As she proceeded to read my results my jaw dropped, tears filled my eyes and my head starting to spin with confusion “I don’t get it. This makes no sense.” She kept reading and I felt like I was shrinking in the chair. While the diagnosis she was explaining was absolutely possible considering my history, I was in shock and completely confused.
She finally stopped and realized how upset I was and offered some kleenex and words of empathy. The only words I could utter where “This doesn’t make any sense. I was told the results at the hospital were normal. This doesn’t make sense.” Nothing she was saying was resonating in my heart as true. Finally the words blurted out of my mouth “Are you sure you are reading the right file?”
It turns out she was reading from another patient’s test results. She apologized and proceeded to read all my results which were NORMAL. I accepted her apology as I could tell she felt terrible about what happened. When I drove off I seemed to be able to let it go until I felt compelled to pull over and call my friend Lisa. As I explained what happened I became angry and tears of frustration with our medical system came pouring out of me. Year of struggling to make sense of my health challenges and always trying to convince doctors that my symptoms were significant. After expressing all my frustration, I felt a sense of relief. Lisa encouraged me to explore it more once I got home as she felt there was still another deeper layer to heal and release.
When I arrived home later that evening I went into my yoga studio and rested on my back. Tears flowed as I felt a deep sense of grief rise up from deep within. My body began to shake uncontrollably and I found myself curling up into a ball on the floor.
Suddenly memories of being in a hospital when I was around 3 or 4 years old came flooding into my awareness. The room was dark and cold and I only had one sheet to cover me. I was cold. I was alone. I was scared and I needed to go to the bathroom. For hours I called for a nurse to come and let me out. No one came. My body couldn’t hold it any longer. I curled up in a ball, laying in my own urine and feces as I cried myself to sleep.
As the memory continued to flash in my awareness, tears of shame streamed down my face as waves of frustration and anger surfaced to be healed. No wonder I had trouble trusting medical professionals. They abandoned me at a very tender age.
After about 15 minutes I sat up and felt relief. I carried those emotions from childhood my entire life and it was finally healed. As I reflected once again on my interaction with my doctor, I no longer felt angry. I felt only gratitude. When I practiced present moment hindsight, I saw the perfection. She was an angel in disguise who helped me shine light on a deep seeded childhood trauma. It was because of that experience that I was able to heal at the deepest possible level and release those long held emotions and dense energy. It was a miracle!
Just to be clear, I am not saying it is ok for a doctor to make this kind of mistake with a patient’s file. All I am sharing is the perspective I have chosen to embrace. I have been asking the Universe to help me heal at the deepest possible level and the Universe provided the experience I needed to shine light on this old trauma. In my eyes my doctor was an angel in disguise and for that I am grateful. At the same time I know, that same interaction had an impact of her. My doctor was also gifted an opportunity to heal and I can only hope she took it in and learned from it the lesson she most needed to learn.
‘Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know.” Pema Chödrön When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times
