Imagine your mind is a computer with a hard drive, software and programs installed and the ego is a hacker that injects viruses to run in the background. The ego is a clever shape-shifter and master of many mind games that are all designed to keep us stuck in limbo, feeling confused and running on a hamster wheel of fear.
The ego is constantly hacking our minds and embedding viral fear based programs that manipulate our thoughts, beliefs and influence our behaviours.
The first step is to create awareness by running a virus scan in your mind by tuning into this episode. Join Global Impact Visionary Leader, Sue Dumais as she empowers you to shine light on and expose the ego hacks, quarantine and remove the infected programming so you can clear and free your mind.
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Welcome. It’s an honor to be here with you. Once again, I love this time. It’s actually a very sacred time in my week to pour my heart into your life and into your world and into your ears, or your eyes if you’re watching the video. I appreciate you showing up each week and listening in, tuning into the episodes, whether you’re listening live at 9:00 AM every Tuesday Pacific time, or whether you’re tuning in on your favorite podcast platform. The intention to show up and listen and to take in the messages that I’m sharing each week is really an appointment with yourself. It’s an appointment for your healing. It’s a time, a sacred time, and an intention to heal as deeply as you can, remove all the blocks to love and anything that’s stopping you from being the clearest channel possible and for you to be able to shift into living life by divine and allowing that beautiful divine force to work through you, as you, in service to you and everyone all at the same time.
So it’s gift for you and a gift for everyone, directly and indirectly. You don’t always see how it’s playing out for others and sometimes we don’t even see how it’s all playing out for ourselves. Today I’m so excited to share this topic. This came in just last week. This is fresh, and hot off the press, if you want to look at it that way, straight from the heart. It literally came in last week. I got this over the weekend and last three or four days I’ve been processing this. I have not even taught this to anyone. I haven’t taught this to my members, my coaches, nobody. I have not shared this message and this epiphany with anyone yet and I’m excited to share it with you here. First. The topic I’m going to talk about today is “How to Prevent your Ego from Hacking Your Mind with a Self Sabotaging Virus” and I’m going to share the story of how it came into my awareness and how I was shown this clever ego mind game. I was seeing glimpses of this game for a while now. I’ve been kind of noticing how the ego has been playing both ends against the middle tor a year or two now. However, on Thursday, I saw something that shocked me actually. I was in shock. I’ll share the story. But I was totally in shock about it and I’m like, this makes no sense. How is this possible? And then I realized that it was like a virus in my mind, like a virus you have on your computer
and the ego embedded that virus, the ego, put that virus in there. And opening my mind to this and seeing this, like really truly seeing this changed everything for me this weekend and I’m, I’m still processing it. So bear with me as I teach this to you today because I’m still processing it. I’m still working through this myself. But I really felt it was important. You know, if we look at our mind as a computer and it has a hard drive, it has the software and all the programs it needs to, to run and see the ego as a hacker that injects a virus to run in the background without us being aware. So there are certain things that the ego does that we can see and we become aware of really easily or we can kind of identify when we start to know what the ego’s angles are. And then there’s parts of the ego that is very cleverly hidden and it’s those pieces that I want to expose today. And when you look at your mind like a computer, we have this programming that was downloaded, we have software that’s downloaded over our lives and
it doesn’t always make sense because some of it was actually downloaded before we were even six years old. So from the age of zero to six, a lot of our programming was embedded then and the programming came from other people, from our parents, from what we’re watching or being exposed to from the age of zero to six. We didn’t have the ability to reject or accept certain things to decide for ourselves, whether that’s our truth or not our truth, we just take in everything like a sponge. From zero to six years of age anything that happened in that time we really just accept everything and allow it to just be programmed into our minds.
After that, we start to have the capability to actually reject or accept certain things and then we start to make our own decisions and what we’re going to believe or not believe. Prior to that a lot of the beliefs get downloaded. And so even if it’s not our own ego, because it’s not necessarily well developed by that age, it can be other people’s Egos, other people’s fears that are being programmed or downloaded into our minds. So that’s something I’ve understood for a long time and that’s something that I’ve been working with with a lot of my clients and a lot of members is unprogramming, unlearning, unschooling, re-programming, all of that stuff that we have been taught as children and decisions we made growing up beliefs we formed for ourselves based on evidence and based on what other people were saying, there’s a lot of stuff that we’ve accumulated over the years.
Now I’ve talked about the ego and I’ve talked about spirit being our teacher of love and ego being our teacher of fear. I want to begin by actually sharing in the beginning of my book the evolution of the Ego and journey to unwind your ego, embraced your humanist and embody or divinity. The very first thing I wrote was a letter, an open letter to my ego. So I want to read that to you first. So it gives you an understanding of the ego and my relationship with my ego. And it’s a common relationship with a lot of people with their own ego as well. So you can probably relate to a lot of what I’m saying. So I’m going to read this to you first and then I’m going to go into telling you the story. And then my intention today is to to run a virus scan in your mind and I want you to imagine that this episode is vibrationally attuned and it has a frequency that’s actually working in your favor.
And my intention is very, very clear and the guidance is very, very clear to support you in this. We’re basically going to run a virus scan and a quarantine in your mind and look at all the beliefs and the programming that is actually not serving you, particularly in this clever new game I discovered called, which I’m calling the ego game of opposites. Now like a virus on your computer. Wouldn’t you want to know sooner than later? Wouldn’t you want to know right away there’s a virus in your computer instead of going like a whole month or two of it, doing weird stuff in the background and manipulating whatever it is in your emails or whatever else it’s designed to do to run in the background.
Wouldn’t you want to know that right away, I certainly would. I would want to virus running in the background without me being aware. So today I’m sharing this with you little bit prematurely because it’s a new understanding for me, but I don’t want you to go any longer. I don’t want the virus to go another week in your mind without you being aware of it. The first step is awareness. And then as we start to create that awareness, we can run our own virus scans and we can quarantine those thoughts and beliefs that are not serving and that don’t make any sense in this world and change the programming for ourselves. So my intention is to give you as much as I can today to empower you to free your mind and clear your own mind. So let’s begin with an open letter to my ego.
Dear ego, As I embark on writing this book, I feel it necessary to take this moment to thank you and honor you for all the challenges, confusion, questions, uncertainty, fear, anxiety, terror, defensiveness and protection you have placed on my path. You are a powerful teacher of fear and separation and I have learned so much from having you as my mentor. Our relationship has been extremely purposeful and as I look back, I have no regret, only gratitude for all that you’ve brought to my life. I know our relationship has been full of ups and downs with many internal battles raging inside my mind. While fear fueled my decisions and paralyzed me all at the same time. Ours has been a powerful life changing relationship and I’ve learned a lot about myself in the process you have taught me to fear everything, to question everything, to doubt, everything to regret most things.
You have convinced me that I am unworthy, undeserving, and unlovable. You have called me stupid, dumb, an idiot, useless and many more names I don’t care to repeat in this letter you have made me feel really special, only to make me feel so inadequate. You encourage me to reach for the stars and once I touch them, you tell me it isn’t enough. You convince me I need to reach further and work harder. When I do just that you tell me it isn’t enough. You motivated me to do more, have more, try more, see more, be more, but nothing is ever enough because every time I hit the mark you set you moved the mark and keep me chasing, reaching, yearning, wanting more and more. Although you always encourage me, you’re only encouraging me to fail over and over again, but nothing will ever be enough because you believe I am not enough and there’s nothing I can do to make up for that.
You taught me that I don’t belong, which made me feel isolated. You taught me that I’m separate from everything and everyone which made me feel alone. You taught me that no one really cares about me, which made me feel misunderstood. Just when I find a way to begin to love myself and encourage myself, you change your tune and begin to disguise yourself as love. Just when I find something to believe in, you shift from the teacher fear and pretend to be the teacher of love. You are clever. You are tricksy. You are a shape shifter. You are a survivor. You have always found a way to continue to rule my mind and keep me stuck running on a hamster wheel chasing something I will never be able to catch or achieve or enjoy. You have been my greatest teacher of fear and I have come to know fear deeply and intimately.
I’m writing to tell you, enough is enough. I’m done with your clever tricks to keep me stuck and paralyzed. I’m done with your big shiny carrot’s dangling before my eyes. The carrots that keep me chasing the illusion of the future you paint in my mind. I’m done with your lies. I’m done with your bullying. I am done with fear. I thank you for playing your part so beautifully, so eloquently, so intensely, so tenaciously, and so effectively. You have taught me so much and for all of it, I am deeply grateful. I have learned that true love has no conditions. I have learned that I am loved, no matter what I do or say, or have. I have learned that my mind holds a limited perspective compared to the infinite potential of my heart. I have learned to trust my intuition. I have learned that I am enough and in fact, I am more than enough.
I have learned that I am loved beyond measure. I have learned that I am worthy beyond proof. I have learned that I am free to be me without approval or permission. I have learned that I come from love. I have learned that I am love. I understand that you are simply playing your part and you played your part well. I see how your fear based curriculum allowed me to experience the contrast that allowed me to appreciate the essence of love so much more deeply. I know that you were only trying to protect me all along. Thank you for being my greatest teacher. You fueled a fire in me that motivated me. Thanks to you, I understand fear deeply now. Thank you for bringing me to my knees on many occasions and showing me the contrast of my inner darkness and my greatest light so that I could learn to appreciate and embrace my greatest light.
Thank you for helping me stand on my own and embrace my separateness so I could experience and appreciate the contrast between love and fear. I’m ready to stand on my own. I feel empowered to walk with strength and courage. I am ready to release my fears and stand in the truth of love. I’m ready to embrace my humanness and embody true unconditional love. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. From the bottom of my heart. I am truly grateful and honored to have such a remarkable teacher of fear. I will remember and honor our time together with fondness and gratitude. I know you will be waiting, watching and anticipating a way to wiggle your way back into my life. But I am good. I don’t need fear anymore. It’s time for me to say goodbye to fear. I see you. I appreciate you. I honor you. I love you. Goodbye. With love, Sue. So that was my letter to my ego and it’s still is there in the background it still shows up. So the book is all about, for me, the book is all about keeping my ego in check. The Ego will evolve. It’s very clever. It’s going to evolve. Once you get wise to it, it evolves and shifts. So last week, let me tell you the story of how I came to this realization of the game of opposites that the ego plays, this mind game and this virus.
Last week, I’m down here in Turks and Caicos and as I’m here I’m meeting different people about building the healing retreat center down here. So I’m meeting with the builder and the architect and different people and looking at different supplies and different things we need to do in to get the ball rolling. And of course we’re on an island time so it is very interesting it’s not as quick as as processes I would, I would have created it in Canada but this is how it is down here. So it’s been an interesting time. We have three phases to our project and the first phase is one villa and the pool house and the pool and the deck. And then the second phase is two more villas. And then the third phase is the second property and the whole picture. The whole vision is actually this beautiful healing sanctuary for people to come down, whether it’s couples or families or individuals to come for healing intensive healing retreats.
The property is actually has an energy vortex, a natural energy vortex on it. So just standing on the property itself is very healing and therapeutic and purifying for your energy field, but adding the experience that the whole vision would create will bring people in the shortest amount of time, the deepest healing and the greatest awakening while they’re here. So it has this beautiful potential. I’ve been talking to a couple of different people about the projects and I broke it into three phases. So we’re starting with phase one and someone had said to me, why don’t you look at getting an angel investor or someone to actually do phase two or phase three all together, doing everything all together. And I thought, that’s an interesting idea. So I’ve, I was open to that. So I was talking to different people about investing down here, getting some investors, and then I decided to go to the bank and just see what they would have to say.
So I had been in contact with the bank here and there and I went to visit them on Thursday. I had an appointment and I went in and went through different numbers and this and how much do you make and all this kind of stuff. All the kind of questions that banks always ask. And I walked out of there feeling triggered. I actually felt heavy and it was a very familiar heavy feeling. And as I walked out, I’m like, ah, I just, I don’t like feeling this way. Why do banks always make me feel this way? That’s the victim and me going, why, why? I asked why first and then why do banks make me feel this way? So I stopped and I said, okay, what about the visits are making me feel heavy? So as I got back to the Condo, I was sitting and I was exploring the feeling of heaviness and I felt a real energy of unworthiness.
Now I have worked through my unworthiness piece a lot. It was something I had very on early in life. I establish that very on early in my life. And I’ve been working on unwinding from unworthiness for a long time. And I’ve come a long, long way. So it doesn’t show up very often, but it certainly showed up every time I go and visit a bank. So when I was in Canada recently, I went in and I think I was talking about like, um, a credit card or something, switching over something. And of course they kind of go through the numbers and this and that and tell you what you can or can’t do based on the numbers. And even when I left that, it was a very easy conversation, I still felt that still familiar feeling of unworthiness. So anytime I feel triggered, I’m willing to look at it because I know that if I’m triggered about something that it is just life bumping up against my own leftovers and I don’t want to leave those leftovers in me, I want to clear that energy or clear that trauma or clear the experience, basically clear the root of it so that I can have a full circle healing. When we have experiences that used to trigger us in the past and we no longer feel resistance or we’re no longer triggered by them, we know that we’ve had a full circle healing.
So the fact that unworthiness was showing up again indicated to me that I haven’t come full circle in healing my relationship with unworthiness. So I was willing to look at the resistance. I’ve talked about resistance in previous episodes. Resistance is the gap between what the mind thinks or believes and what the heart knows. When the heart and the mind are in sync and the belief in the mind is the same as the knowing in the heart. There’s no resistance. When the mind believes something different or thinks something different than the knowing in the heart, there’s a gap. The bigger the gap, the bigger the resistance. So the further away the mind is from the truth and knowing in the heart, the bigger the gap is. So I felt this gap and I felt this resistance and I’m like, you know what?
I really want to look at this from a different angle than I have before. So I sat down. First I got really irritated and frustrated and I felt this energy of like never again. I never want to feel this way again. I want to have the full circle healing. I got fed up with it. I got to the point of enough is enough. I’m done with unworthiness. Show me. I’m willing to see, feel, experience and know the truth of why this is still here rooted in my life. So I kind of got to this like end of the rope, enough is enough, never want to feel that way again. Reveal to heal. So that’s an exercise I do a lot reveal to heal. So I sit down with spirit as my teacher and I say, I’m ready to reveal this, to heal this.
Show me what I need to see, feel, sense, know, experience, anything. I’m open to anything at that point and I’m attached to nothing. So I drop into this space of I know nothing about anything. I think I know about unworthiness. I think I know that I’ve overcome it or what pieces I feel, but I just dropped into this state of I know nothing about anything and that allows me to go into a real curious, open mindset without an agenda, without thinking. I know pieces already am like, clearly I’m missing a piece. Clearly I’m missing something because it’s still showing up and I’m still triggered by it. So I started to write and I’m actually going to read from my journal, and share it with you. So I started to write in my journal and what I did is I took my pen and I wrote at the top unworthiness.
And then I set an intention to give my pen to spirit, to my guide, to…you can do it to whoever you want, doesn’t matter just like give your heart the pen, it doesn’t matter. Offered over your human self is, is willing to like just show me what I need to see. So I said, show me the hidden beliefs and thoughts and anything else that’s running in the background of my mind that I have not seen yet. Show me what I need to see in order to heal this fully. So I started to write unworthiness, I circled it and then I started a list. So the first word that came out was basically what I was doing is defining what is my definition of unworthiness? What do I know in my mind, what’s programmed in my mind about unworthiness? What is my dictionary definition in my mind, the first word that came was humble.
Then kind, then gentle and like what? This doesn’t make sense. How is unworthiness humble, kind and gentle? So I started over again. I set the same intention, show me spirit. I’m willing to see, willing to hear, feel, know what is my definition? What do I know about unworthiness? What do I believe or think I believe about unworthiness? Same words, humble, kind, gentle, and I’m like, this makes no sense. And then I paused and I’m like, oh, this is good. It makes no sense so I’m going to keep going. So then I got focused on others. So unworthiness means you’re humble, kind, gentle, focused on others. Unworthiness means that you help others, that you’re generous. And then I wrote overly generous that there’s a tenderness, but there’s a wounded tenderness for you. That’s what I wrote. And then I was like really curious that that was my mind’s written belief and definition of unworthiness.
So then I’m like, well, what do I believe about worthy? So I thought, I never even thought to look at this definition because when someone says, do you know what unworthiness is, you would say, yes, of course I know what unworthiness means. But do you actually know what’s programmed in your mind around it? Do you actually know what definition you have in your subconscious mind in, in the beliefs, in the, in the ego dictionary of your mind? I certainly didn’t. I was blown away by this. I like, it was a huge epiphany, but it didn’t come in until actually did the opposite. So I knew unworthiness and what I was writing there. And then a few more words came in for unworthiness, drive. So it gives a drive. There’s a sense of needing to prove or collect evidence. And the other words that came in is, it must be earned. I’m like earning unworthiness, interesting. Interesting belief I have in the back of my mind playing. So then I wrote down worthy and I circled it, gave my pen over to spirit, say, okay, show me what I actually believe in my mind right now. Not the dictionary world definition, but what is my mind’s dictionary definition of worthiness. This is what came in, arrogance, mean, entitled, superior, selfish, self centered, hard, ignorant, closed and cold and then righteous.
And I was like, that is so not what worthy means. That’s not the truth of worthiness or unworthiness. These are totally skewed, crazy definitions. And I was like, where the heck did these come from? And then I wrote the words at the top. I was guided to write the words, ego opposites.
The Ego’s game of opposites is designed to embed a virus in your mind that if you believe that you’re unworthy, it creates this crazy definition of unworthiness that you want. I want, I want to be humble. I want to be kind. I want to be gentle. That’s who I am. That’s my nature. So of course I’m focused on others. I want to help others. I’m generous, I’m tender. Those things resonate with me. But in my mind, I believe I need to hold on to unworthiness in order to be all those things. That’s messed up. That’s crazy making at its best. That’s the nature of the ego mind. That’s how wild it is. So then of course we’re all wanting to be worthy and we know what worthiness means in the world. So we do all these affirmations. I am worthy, I am love, I am worthy.
And meanwhile we haven’t checked the programming in our mind. What do you actually believe about worthiness? Well, for me, worthiness means I have to be ignorant or arrogant or mean or superior. Selfish and self centered. I have to be hard and closed and cold and righteous. Totally opposite of the way I am in life. I avoid those things for myself. I don’t embrace those things at all. They don’t feel authentic to me, within me. So why would I actually fully come full circle and embrace worthiness if that’s what I believe worthiness is in the dictionary of my ego mind. So you can see how I’ve been inviting that sense of worthiness for such a long time and it’s slowly shifting. But there was a piece still missing. Well, no wonder because I have to live up to these versions of these definitions of these meanings of unworthiness and worthy because that’s what was programmed in my mind, that was was running in the background like a virus in my ego mind and influencing all of my decisions and influencing all of my experiences around worthiness and unworthiness as well. So I’m gonna leave you with that just for a moment and I’m not going to leave you hanging too long. But I want you to take a moment and maybe even look at one thing that you maybe are feeling stuck on or that you have a lot of resistance or continue to get triggered by and ask yourself, what is my definition? What is my dictionary and definition in my own mind? What is my personal definition?
How does that pertain to you? And then be willing to write it out and look at, okay, if you have trouble with being lovable, look at unlovable first. And then write down your dictionary terms and definitions, what you believe. The fear based programming, the filter that everything’s being running through, the virus is influencing everything right down on lovable. And then we’ll look at lovable on and see how the ego is actually taking both those definitions and using them against each other. Playing both ends against the middle. So then we get stuck in this limbo in between and running on a hamster wheel trying to figure out why we can’t clear these patterns and why can’t we get rid of these things when we know better, we know, but we know not in the programming, in our mind. We know in the context of what it is in the world.
So I’m going to tell you how I shifted that. We’re going to take a short break and when we come back I’m going to give you more information. We’re going to talk a little bit more about the game of opposites and you can start to run this scan in your mind and quarantine these thoughts and beliefs that are infecting your mind and keeping you from actually having the full circle healing that you deserve and we’re going to free your mind as much as we can today and give you a tool that will, that you can use and continue to use as you unwind your mind and realign with the truth in your heart. We’ll be right back.
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Welcome back. You’re listening to life by divine and I am your host Sue Dumais. I’ve been talking today about the ego hack, the famous ego hack, how to prevent ego from hacking your mind with self sabotaging viruses. So the self sabotage I, lot of people experienced self sabotage and a lot of people have a hard time really unwinding from it. And even when we do kind of shift some of that self sabotaging behavior and we become aware of it, sometimes it’s still niggles its way in there. So this is one way I’ve figured out why it keeps niggling its way in there. It’s because it’s so far and deeply embedded in our minds. It’s become this dictionary of definitions that the Ego wrote. The Ego wrote the whole dictionary definitions in the program mind, and it’s all based on fear. And the thing with ego is in the beginning, ego believes it’s actually serving you.
The Ego believes it’s actually keeping you safe and it wants to protect you, wants to protect you from risk and wants protect you from getting hurt. It wants to protect you from everything in the world that that is potential threat or attack. The thing with the ego is it’s purposeful in the beginning and then it gets to a point where it’s no longer serving. It’s evolved so much and so invested in fear that it acts like a virus in our mind and we can’t overcome it without running these virus scans, without quarantining some of these beliefs and some of these thoughts that we have running in the background of our mind. So take a moment to reflect on your mind. So in the mind, in the way of what we hear, the thoughts that we actually hear are only about 5% of what’s really going on in the mind.
For most people, 95% of stuff that’s running in the background. This is what we’re talking about. If those programs are running in the background, so when you’re on your computer and you go to the task and you hit control alt delete and you see what’s actually running in the background on the task. And I’m always like, there’s always like, I dunno, 50 or however many, there’s a whole bunch of them. I’m like, I don’t even know what that is. I don’t even know what that program is purposeful for. Like what is it actually doing? There’s a lot running in the background of the computer that we have no idea about. Unless you’re, you know, a computer coder or somebody like that. There’s a lot running in the background of our mind that we have no idea about. And the ego’s game of opposites is a clever tactic to play both ends against the middle.
Whether we are yearning to be loved or trying to heal, being unlovable. It will take both of those terms. I’m lovable and lovable and create its own fear based definitions and meanings of them. So you can pretty much take any word and find the opposite of that word and the ego will have a definition for both those things. And I really wanna encourage you to do this because this like totally blew my mind. I had no idea that I believed being unworthy meant I was humble, kind, and gentle and focused on others and helping others. How is that unworthiness? Obviously the next step is to redefine that reprogram that, change that belief in your mind, in my mind. And then worthiness was arrogance, mean, superior, selfish, self centered. That makes no sense on a logical level. But in the back of my mind, this running program makes perfect sense back there.
Once it is actually embedded as a belief in the mind. The mind doesn’t question it. It just runs. It runs the tape in the background and it’s just a program running in the background. The computer is not going to assess anything. It’s not going to change anything. The computer itself doesn’t do the scans and figure out. Oh, there’s something wrong here. This shouldn’t be here. It’s the viral scan, the virus software that actually is responsible for looking at, wait a minute, this program is running and it doesn’t belong here and that’s what we’re doing is consciously creating awareness around those things that are playing in the background of our minds and then doing what we can to shift and change them to heal those beliefs that are limiting us, that are holding us back, that are confusing us creating confusion at the level of the mind. That’s why a lot of times people will say, I know better. I know better. Why do I keep doing the same thing again when I know better? This is why, because in the background, somewhere in the computer of your mind, there’s some ego opposite definition that makes no flippin’ sense. But that’s what’s all of your decisions are being filtered through.
So in your heart, you know, better and even on some level of the mind, you know better. But in the subconscious mind it’s actually filtering everything. So when you have a desire in the mind and in your awareness, if you have a desire that is not in alignment with the belief, all of your desires get filtered through your belief, and that’s where you create, that’s what that you put out into the world. That’s how we actually create. that’s the creative beings we are. Everything gets filtered through our belief system. So if your belief system is not in alignment with your desire, you will always manifest what you believe. And that’s where self sabotage comes in.
I remember going to an event and someone had asked the question. One of the speakers asked the question why we do what we do when we know what we know.
Why do we do what we do when we know what we know? Because there’s a knowing on some level and then there’s a belief on another. And if the beliefs, so my beliefs and around unworthiness that I didn’t even know I had was to be humble, kind, gentle, and focused on others and helping others and generous. That’s it. That’s a sticky point. That’s a stuck point. That’s a self sabotage recipe right there. And if my desire to be worthy means I need to be ignorant, mean, superior and selfish and self centered, that’s a sticking point. That’s self sabotage, a recipe for self sabotage right there. That’s the virus. So this all needs to change at the level of the subconscious mind. We need to bring what’s hidden and running in the background like a virus and scan it to create awareness and you put it in the quarantine box. So then we can decide what to do with it.
So my intention today is to help you scan your mind, create a quarantine box, and bring into the quarantine box what you need to shine light on. And the first step would be what are you still triggered by? What do you have resistance around? What are you still chasing or yearning for or hoping for or how does self sabotage show up in your life? Those are some key questions that will point you to where you need to look within the subconscious mind. Now I do authentic journaling all the time, so I sit down with my pen on paper and my journal, I’ve got a little journal that I use and I give my pen over to spirit a lot and say, here, what do I need? What do I most need to hear? I start with gratitude. Thank you for joining with me. I appreciate you guiding me moment to moment.
Is there anything I need to know in this moment? And then I’m just give my pen and open and a lot of times some of the channeled writing will come through for me. There’s always a message for me. So when I switched to ask spirit and like, okay, I need a new definition of worthiness because the one I’m holding is clearly crazy making. It’s completely opposite and it doesn’t make any sense at all. And it’s not an alignment with the truth of what worthiness is. So I ask Spirit, what is worthiness? What is a new truth that I can embrace and invite to reprogram to replace the virus and create a new program in my mind? And this is the word, these are the words. So I got worthiness and then I got I am worthy and then I got the words “I am”. So for me, I am is that experience of living oneness. It’s not, I am as in an affirmation. I’ve shifted from that. So when I’m living life by divine, I’m choosing to live oneness. Living oneness means I am one with God, Source, the universe, whoever it is that you want to connect with or feel that that connection with. And then I got the words deep, knowing, loving, open, soft, gentle tenderness, sees innocence. So one that’s worthy, sees innocence in others and sees innocence in self. And then I got the words all are worthy without proof. No evidence or proof is needed. So when we are actually really truly embodying worthiness, there is no evidence or proof. I remember when I received the Women of Worth Award in 2014 the words I kept getting was the only person you need to prove your worth to is yourself.
The only person you need to prove you’re worthy to is yourself. When you know your worthiness, when you embody worthiness, when you can stand in that truth on every level, including the subconscious mind, when the mind is fully in alignment with the knowing in your heart that you are worthy, then there are no opposites. There is no need for proof. There is no need for evidence. There’s just you standing in this knowing your worth. I am worthy.
When we make the shift, so this is where I am now, I’m standing in that and then if there’s any leftovers I’m processing it as I go along and I’m slowly unwinding these last pieces. When we can stand in that knowing and our mind is in alignment with that, knowing our beliefs, our thoughts and everything we think we know in the head is in alignment with the knowing and the heart, there is no resistance. There is no trigger. There’s just a knowing, an embodiment and embracement of it. There’s, we can embrace it fully, wholly and completely. That’s where we come and experience the full circle healing. Now when we’re living oneness, the intention to live oneness or live life by divine is that we don’t work in duality. We don’t work in opposites because there’s only truth. The challenge is when we’re unwinding the ego, the ego works in duality. The ego works in opposites and apparently it works the opposites against each other so that you can’t even really truly embrace worthiness because that means you’re a bad person or you can’t truly embrace love being lovable because that probably has a weird definition in your ego dictionary as well, so on some level you’re striving for something, but then on the subconscious level you’re actually fighting against it. Crazy, crazy system in there. I get it because the ego is all about making things complicated. When things are simple, that spirit, when things are complicated, that’s ego.
So I’m going to invite you, this is one of those episodes. Please download it, bring it onto your device, listen to it again. You’re going to get different pieces and listen to it again when all of a sudden you feel triggered or you have resistance and you want to take a look at something that you thought you already healed, take a look at this and I promise you when you actually, as soon as I expose those two versions of worthiness and unworthiness, my mind was like Kapow, it was almost like all the subconscious programming had this big light came on to it and there’ was no hiding it anymore. It had no hold over me anymore. I so do not believe that. I can’t even believe that it was there. I understand where it came from.
Knowing my background, I lived with unworthiness for a long time. I hated myself for a long time, so I get it, but I didn’t know it was still programmed there on a deeper level, hidden in the background, running like a program in the back of a computer and the computer of my mind. So the moment I had awareness, that shift already happened and then the moment I asked spirit, redefine this for me, show me the true version or definition, your definition of worthiness, and allow me to embrace that and download that into my mind and align my mind with a knowing in my heart. Then the healing happened. Then the shift happened. So there’s more. I’m not going to share them as there’s more opposites I’ve started to explore so different things I’m like, okay, I have that trigger. Still have that leftover. So what word captures that?
What word kind of captures that feeling? Take that word, then find the opposite word. Put both down and start with one and then define the other one. So remember that you’re asking for the ego’s definition, the definition that’s actually programmed in the subconscious mind, the hidden definition. Some of it you might be aware of some of it you might not. So you really want to expose what’s running in the background so that you can see clearly and you can start to shift from there. Awareness is the first key. Willingness is essential. It’s not easy to look in these places. It’s not easy to look at this and sometimes you might have to reach out for help and support. Some of this stuff we’re meant to process on our own and other stuff, the ego’s very tricksy and it’s very clever, especially the spiritual ego. I talked about the 10 stages of evolution. The spiritual ego is one of them. The hijacking ego is another. This is an example of a hijacking ego. Taking the word unworthiness, hijacking it and creating a new definition. Taking the word worthiness, hijacking and creating a new definition, one that serves fear, one that keeps us in limbo, one that keeps us playing small, one that keeps us playing safe, one that makes us afraid to take action, afraid of judgment, whatever else is going on. It serves only fear.
So the invitation is to look at what’s running in the background of the mind and making a conscious choice, a willingness to heal, a conscious choice to shine light on it, a willingness to shift the perspective and reprogram and change. And sometimes that requires a compassionate witness and sometimes that requires someone who has an understanding of the hijacking ego and the spiritual ego to help you actually shine light on it. So there’s been a couple of my coaches and a couple of my members I’ve been working with around this to help them see because it’s really hard to see when it’s in your blind spot and it’s really hard to see when on some level you’re defending it. So I was defending in some ways I was defending unworthiness because I want to embody all of those things, be gentle, generous, loving, kind, tender, humble. So in some ways I was defending that.
So if someone was actually pointing at that to me and it was poking at that with me, I’d get defensive. Not me personally getting defensive, but the ego would get defensive because the ego feels threatened. Anytime the ego’s feels threatened. Anytime you shine light and expose one of its clever tricks or one of its antics or hidden agendas, it’s going to rear up with fear. It’s going to play bigger. It’s going to make it even harder to see. It’s going to become more clever. It’s going to evolve. That’s the nature of the ego, it loves to evolve. And just when we get wise to its tricks, it finds another way.
So now that I have this awareness, now that I see the game of opposites that it plays and the more I unwind and kind of clear, then of course it’s going to have to find another game, going to have to find another way because I’m going to go through every word and every trigger I have and redefine it all. That’s how dedicated and that’s how committed I am to my own healing. I’m not interested in leaving any stone unturned.
My intention is always to be the clearest channel.In order to be the clearest channel and help humanity, help uplift humanity, I need to be willing to do my work. I need to be willing to keep my ego in check and I do it over and over and over again. This is my full time work. At two or three in the morning, I’ll wake up and if there’s something going on I process, it, that’s what I do. This is my life and it’s my life because it’s my calling. It’s my calling because I know in my heart I meant to uplift humanity and unite us in love for each other and our planet. It’s very clear that I’m here to inspire and empower healing in self and others, and that’s what I’m doing each week with you here on this call.
That’s what I do every day in our community and I invite you to come and join our heart Yes movement. If you’re inspired, there’s different membership levels. There’s a free membership level to and anybody can participate and I invite you to join with us and join in community. A community of people that are actually deep in and willing to do this work. You don’t need to do it alone. And in fact it’s really challenging to do on our own. And the ego loves when we do it on our own because it can still have the upper hand. The moment we bring another intuitive or another person who can sense and feel the ego playing in the background, the game is up and the game is over. And the interesting thing about the game of opposites, no matter what, you will never win the game of opposites. The Ego always wins. Fear always wins the game of opposites. The only way we win the game of opposites is to stop playing, to stop the game, to quit the game.
And that’s my intention today is to equip you with enough information about this clever ego tactic and this mind game to help you shift it for yourself and then reach out for support if you need some support doing that as well. I would be honored to have you come into the community and for me to help you, to hold your hand and walk you through these challenges. But also walk you through the deep, dark, healing spaces that is harder to go to on your own.
You’re not alone. We’re all here. We’re all doing this healing work and it’s essential and it’s powerful and it’s necessary. It’s not always easy, but it’s so worth it. It’s so worth it. To have this awareness for me is so worth it. And then to be able to share it with others is even more worth it. So thank you for tuning in. I appreciate you coming in and sharing this time with me and allowing me into your life and to allow me into your heart. It’s an honor to be here with you. I thank you. I appreciate you. I love you. Until next week, namaste.