When we say yes when we actually want to say no, it is more of a disservice to everyone including ourselves. Many people say yes to avoid disappointing others. They say yes because they are afraid to let others down. If you have a hard time saying no or feel super uneasy when you do, you likely suffer from a bad case of people pleasing.
People pleasing is not helpful, because it stems from a place of guilt, fear, and/or obligation. It often leads to burnout, resentment, and regret.
Join Global Impact Visionary Leader Sue Dumais and discover the art of saying NO to help you stop people pleasing. Learn some tools and a new perspective that will shift your experience of saying no from feeling bad to feeling empowered.
Tune in to Life By Divine with Sue Dumais LIVE every Tuesday at 9am (NEW TIME) and access the replays at www.lifebydivineshow.com
The world doesn’t need us to fit in, it needs us to Stand UP Stand OUT and Stand STRONG. Are you willing to play your part? Say YES! Just say YES!
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Life by divine with Sue Dumais foster deep healing and profound awakenings as she guides you to hear, answer and trust the highest calling of your heart. Your host and sacred guide is global impact. Visionary leader, Sue Dumais, a bestselling author, international speaker and gifted intuitive healer who challenges all of us to shift from life by default or even life by design to truly living life by divine and now here is your host Sue Dumais,
Welcome. I’m excited to have you here again this week and today’s topic just came in a couple days ago. I actually thought I would continue with the game of opposites and talking about the games that ego plays in the mind hacks and the good news is if you didn’t listen to last week’s episode, I would highly recommend you go back and listen to it. Keep in mind when I was talking about the ego mind hacks and the self sabotaging virus and how to quarantine those viruses in the mind, that was new and fresh, like a new and fresh download for me. Now since I’ve had a little bit more time, I woke up one morning at four in the morning and all of a sudden a whole master class workshop has come through, so I’m going to be offering a free masterclass and workshop on the ego mind hacks and how to practice using the ego game of opposites to help unwind your mind and to break those repetitive cycles and those patterns that are just lifelong patterns that seem to be no matter what you do, you can’t break the cycle.
This is a game changer. The Ego game of opposites has totally changed my life. It’s only been a couple of weeks that I’ve been playing with it and now I’m starting to use it with my clients and members more and I’m seeing amazing results right away so I will be sharing more information on that and how to participate in the free masterclass and workshop I have coming up. It’ll be more toward the beginning of April, but in the meantime if you’re really curious, go back and listen to the episode from last week. The ego mind hacks and how to prevent the ego mind hacks and the virus in mind. And then once you get kind of an understanding and a foundation there, you can watch for the information on the upcoming masterclass. That’ll be in the beginning of April. If you want to have a hearts up and make sure you don’t miss out, you can always go to my website, heartledliving.com and sign up for the newsletter.
You’ll also get a free love deeply Now meditation download for that. Then that way you’ll get notice right away when I start to promote and share that free masterclass and you’ll be able to secure your spot right away. So today I’m actually talking about how to stop people pleasing and the art of saying no because those two go very well together. The Art of saying no is very much connected to people pleasing. I find that most people who suffer from chronic people pleasing have a hard time saying no. So I blended these two teachings together. A lot of this material here in this particular episode today is from my book, “Stand UP Stand OUT Stand STRONG ~ How to navigate life when the shift hits the fan”. There’s a whole chapter and one day is basically devoted to people pleasing, stopping people pleasing. I’m speaking as a recovering people pleaser. I can’t say that I don’t ever people please anymore, but it’s very rare that it comes out now, but I was a chronic people pleaser. I literally would bend over backwards to help others and to accommodate others and that often came at a sacrifice to myself.
The other piece that’s really important to know about people pleasing is we believe it’s being helpful. We’re pleasing others, but what it actually comes from, what it stems from is fear, guilt and obligation. And when we do it chronically, when we’re chronic people pleasers, and people are used to us doing that, unwinding from it becomes a little bit more challenging because people are expecting us to continue to be that people pleasing person that we always were. When we start to shift and pull back and we start to actually say no, it makes other people uncomfortable and and some other people might actually get quite upset about it because suddenly we’re not doing what we’ve always done and in some. In some cases it might actually change the dynamics of the relationship altogether. So when it comes to people pleasing, I’m going to use the idea of saying yes and saying no. When you actually say yes to something and you’re meant to say no or you want to say no, it’s actually doing more of a disservice to everyone including you. So not only is it coming at at a sacrifice to self because you’re saying yes when you want to say no, but it’s also denying another person the opportunity to say yes.
The other piece is when we are constantly bending over backwards to please others, we end up building some underlying resentment and possibly regret and and maybe even leading to burnout. When we have underlying resentment our giving, our extension is not clean. When we are saying yes out of obligation or out of guilt or not wanting to feel guilty or not wanting to disappoint others, we’re actually extending fear when we say no.
It’s actually a gift when we’re meant to say no and we say no, it’s actually a gift for everyone. It’s a gift for you because you’re honoring your true heart Yes. Not just your head, what you think you should do in your head or what you should or what they expect. It’s honoring you, but it’s also honoring the other person and it’s potentially honoring the individual that’s meant to. So if someone calls you or contacts you and wants you to come and volunteer for an event and you just say yes, because that’s your default answer. You don’t really want to do it, but you don’t want to let them down and you say yes. Then you’re actually denying another person from taking on that position and saying yes to it. The person that was actually meant to do it. So it’s actually a disservice to them as well.
When we trust our heart to lead us, when we trust the yes and no to come from the heart space, it doesn’t go through the filter in our mind. And the filters in our mind are all based on fear. It’s all based on not wanting to disappoint or a caring disguise, fear disguised as caring. All of these kinds of things come into play when it comes to making decisions. In our head there’s so many filters and there’s so much programming and there’s so much history up there that it skews our ability to actually really discern and make the decision that is serving everybody. So in our heads we think we should say yes or we think we should say no. The keyword being should. That’s the judgment of it. That’s the ego. When we actually tune into our heart and let our heart lead us, we are tapping into the yes or the no, that’s actually in service to everyone. So in our head, it’s a limited perspective based on our filters and our fear based programming. It’s based on the history that we have with that individual, or relationship. If we’ve kind of all chronically been the people pleaser in that relationship, they’re going to expect it and we’re just gonna kind of fall into that old pattern or that familiar pattern.
When we dropped down and get the answer from the heart, we’re tapping into a greater perspective, a guidance that’s coming from our spirit, our soul that’s in service to everyone. So the heart yes is in service to everyone and your heart no is in service to everyone.
So sometimes when we drop into our heart, it’s different than what we think it should be in our head. So sometimes we want to say yes, but the guidance is actually a no. Sometimes we’ll want to say no, and the guidance is actually a yes. The key is to be able to discern between head and heart, to get out of the head, down into your heart space and make decisions from that deep place of knowing. That deep place of knowing that goes beyond logic and reason, that deep place of knowing that is not limited by our mind’s fear based programming. That deep place of knowing that is in service to everyone everywhere altogether, all at once. A true heart yes is really what you desire to follow your heart yeses, to make decisions from that place. Now saying yes, we’ll sometimes disappoint people and saying no, we’ll sometimes disappoint people but I follow my guidance anyway. I’ve learned to follow my guidance in spite of my fear of what other people might think or not think because I know it’s actually serving them. So sometimes saying no is challenging and sometimes it’s not well received and I’ve certainly had my fair share of that and particularly recently as I’ve been setting some different boundaries around my time and my energy,
I feel my calling expanding. I feel there’s a call for me to kind of elevate the work I’m doing. And to have more of a global outreach and to get out onto more stages and share my message in different venues.
I’ve been doing that for a while, but I’m just feeling like I’m being called to step it up a little bit. And I believe a lot of us are. So if you’re a visionary leader, if you’re a light leader, if you’re a healer, and someone who’s really inspired to focus on global impact, I know you’re probably feeling that calling is becoming stronger and to be able to honor that calling and answer it and say yes to that, to say yes to the purpose of my life, to say yes to the calling in my heart, I need to learn to say no. I need to be able to say no. It’s really essential. And so do you. That’s on a grander scale, even on a smaller scale, if you’re actually saying yes when you’re meant to say no, it’s actually not serving them.
So today I’m going to teach you the art of saying no. I’ve shared some of this in different episodes here and there, but I want to give you the full kind of pieces here today so that you can really learn to stop people pleasing and learn how to say no and not only learn how to say no, but actually get really comfortable with saying no and look forward to saying no. I want to have you passionate about saying no. Because when you say no to something which you really doing is saying yes to something else.
When we say no to those things that we’re not meant to do, we’re actually saying yes to something else. So I’ll share an example. I had an event that I was invited to speak at. This was several years back and it was six months or eight months ahead of time. I can’t remember the exact dates, but it was quite a bit in the future and I tuned into my heart and I was actually really excited about the event. I love that I got invited to speak. It was a great event. It sounded like it was going be a lot of fun. I wanted it to be a yes. I was really excited and I tuned into my heart and I got a no at first I was like, ah, like I was disappointed because I had a little attachment to showing up and being at this event and being a speaker there. But I trust my heart more than anything anymore compared to before. I trust it more and more. And I knew that moment that it was a no, it was very clear even though I wanted it to be a yes. So I responded back and I said that it was a no, I’m not available and thank you for inviting me.
And it turns out it was in May that next year, and it turned out in May that year I actually ended up going to Kenya and on the day that the event was meant to be, I was actually visiting the women in the children in the Kibera slums, walking through the slums in Nairobi and that visit completely changed my life. So I had no idea in my head that that’s what I would be doing,
but my heart knew. My heart had that knowing that the speaking engagement wasn’t on my path, that there was something else on my path. Now, we don’t always get these glimpses in the future. We don’t always get these visions of what’s to come because the heart, kind of has certain things that it knows is on your soul script. There’s certain points of orchestration that’s already happening on your behalf and heart knows how to lead you into those places and lead you toward those paths. If we actually got more insights and more visions of what’s to come, the ego would actually jump in and run with these things.
The ego loves to jump on the guidance. So the guidance will come in and there’s often times I’ll get a vision of something like a future event or a global vision of a global understanding of what’s happening. There’s like what’s happening on the micro level, on a human level as we look around and then there’s what’s happening on that macro level or that global level. When I get those bigger visions, I often will actually pass them back up to spirit. Thank you for showing me that. Hold it for me. Carry that for me. And if there’s something I’m guided to do in the moment, direct me.
The reason I hand it back over, I forgive it back over is because my ego will love to jump in and run with things and he’s and has done that in the past where I’ve gotten a glimpse or guidance of something. And the next thing you know, my ego’s adding on all these extra tasks and all this extra time and energy and meanwhile then I get redirected or it kind of teeters out, or it’s prolonged or it’s shifted in a different direction. So I’ve learned from my experience and working with my clients that when something comes in as guidance that’s in the future, I offer it over and I say, thank you for showing me that spirit. You hold this and if there’s something I need to know, show me in the moment and direct me moment to moment. That’s where the guidance comes in. The ego works in the past and the future. So the ego loves to take the future visions and run with them, create all these tasks in the present moment to keep us distracted. But spirit only works in the now. Our guidance in our heart can only speak to us in this present moment. That’s all that exists. So when we’re fully present and we’re letting the guidance come through, then we’re actually just following the directions of our higher self, our source, our soul, our spirit
that is being in service to everybody. So I’ve learned that trying to please people is not serving anyone and it’s actually just coming from fear and guilt and obligation. And I’m not interested in extending and adding more fear, guilt and obligation and regret and resentment out into the world. There’s enough of that out there. So my intention is always to follow the guidance even if it doesn’t make sense to others. And I follow the guidance even if it doesn’t make sense to me because I know that spirit has my back. I know that I’m being guided by the divine force that runs through me, that runs through you and is working on everyone’s behalf through us, as us, within us, for us and everyone. That’s life by divine. That’s really surrendering over your agenda, your plan, your ideas, and allowing the divine to work through us. That’s my intention every morning. So my prayer every morning is, dear God, I offer you my everything. Spirit lead me in each moment, guide me, direct me, direct my life, direct my hands, my words. That’s my prayer. Every morning I actually offer over my entire life, my entire life right now is devoted to
following this guidance and I’m being led in very miraculous ways and there’s some really cool things on my path and at the same time there’s some very challenging things. Saying no to people, letting people down when they expect me to what I used to do. I was in meditation yesterday morning and I got the words, I’m not here to make friends and I’m here for global impact. I make connections all the time. I feel a heart connection all the time, but I’m not here to make friends. I’m here to have a global impact. That’s my calling and it’s so strong. 24/7 my entire life is devoted around this work, so there’s not a lot of space or time for me to be hanging out with people and doing things that aren’t in alignment with either helping them align with their hearts call or me aligning with my heart’s call. It’s a big, I have a big calling and I’ve said yes to it and I’m devoted to it and I’m committed to it and that means sometimes I disappoint people. I was watching a video yesterday, Greta Thunberg is a young girl. She, I can’t remember her age, maybe 10 11, 12 speaking at the climate summit
and I was really impressed by her words. She said I don’t want to be popular. I’m not interested in being popular. She’s interested in having impact. I really feel that strongly for myself as well. So she inspired me and she’s so young and she’s so articulate. She’s not a people pleaser. She is a rock the boat, break the foundation. If the system is, is if there’s a problem with a system, change it. That’s the type of girl she is and I love her energy. I love her determination and commitment and passion and I very much can relate to it.
So today, how do you say no? That’s the first step in unwinding from people pleasing is learning how to say no. The Art of saying no. I’m going to give you some keys, some tools to use, some things to remember that will help you. But I’m going to tell you in the beginning, it’s not easy. It’s not going to feel comfortable, it is going to feel challenging. You’re going to rock the boat. People aren’t going to appreciate it and I’m going to encourage you to do it anyways. The key is to tune in first. Am I meant to say yes to this. Am I meant to say yes? Am I meant to say no. In the heart, asking your heart, not your head. It’s not, should I say yes? Should I say no? The should is a very ego heavy word. Am I meant to say yes? Start there. And if you don’t know, then buy yourself some time. You don’t need to answer right away. So that’s one of the steps is buy yourself some time. If it’s by email, say give me a day and I’ll get back to you. Let me check my calendar. If you’re talking to somebody on the phone, let me call you back in five minutes or let me call you back tomorrow. I’ll check. I’ll check on that and see if that works. But don’t give anything other than just buy yourself some time.
Okay? When it comes to saying no. Buy yourself some time is one of them. When it comes to saying no, just say no. Try it. Just say no without an excuse, without a story, without a reason. When you start to explain why or explain the reason why you can’t, it gives them permission and it opens a door for them to help you find a solution to help. Oh, I can’t do it because I need to go pick up my daughter. Oh, but you’re husband can pick up your daughter, and then you could actually come. That would work. It gives the person a reason to challenge your NO when you use an excuse, a story or a reason. So ways you can say that is…no, I’m not available. No, that doesn’t work for me. I sorry, I can’t do that. It’s not going to happen. The best thing I found is, no, that doesn’t work for me. No, I’m not available. If they say, oh, but can you change your plans. Nope, I’m not available. That doesn’t work for me. Leave it at that. You will be so tempted to say more. I promise. Especially in the beginning. In those chronic people pleasers out there, you’re going to be so tempted to say more. Bite your tongue, bite your lip. Do not say anything more than no, that doesn’t work for me. No, I am not available.
Leave it at that. Stop there. Even if they try and convince you, just repeat the same thing again. Nope, that doesn’t work for me. No, I’m not available. Find the words that feel good for you, but don’t give them an opening by sharing any kind of excuse, story or reason. I can’t. I’m working that day. They’re going to say, well you could get the day off, there again just opening up for a creative solution, they want to be creative, they want to help you go, nope, that doesn’t work for me. Just that, that’s it. Trust me. The more you do it the more comfortable you will get. In the beginning it’s gonna feel uncomfortable and I literally, I just want you to imagine just putting your hand over your mouth and stopping yourself from saying anything more. And if you’re on the phone with them and you could literally cover your mouth. Do not say anything more. So buying yourself some time, say no without any excuse, story or reason will help. Another thing to consider is when it’s not an absolute yes, it’s a no. I changed it to if it’s not an absolute heart yes, it’s a no.
There’s a lot of things that I get invited to do. That sound really cool. Sound like fun. That would be interesting. But I tune into the heart and I asked for the yes or the no, and unless it’s like a clear heart yes, then it’s a no. There’s the whole idea of an absolute yes. And I’m like, oh, that would really be cool. I want it to be a yes. And then the clear noes. Then there’s a real gray area in the middle, so it’s helpful if you start to focus on the absolute heart yeses, those things that you absolutely know are yes, focus on those and say yes to them and say no to everything else and see how that feels. Start with that. When you say yes, when you feel an absolute heart, yes, it’s usually an expansion. It’s a light feeling. It’s like a lifting of your energy. You feel something in the body as a yes. It’s usually in the heart space, not for everybody. Usually in the heart space when we feel an absolute yes, it’s coming from a place of love. It’s coming from a place of guidance. It’s like the divine saying yes through you and it’s really a beautiful feeling. The challenge is the artificial yes or the artificial feel good. That’s the ego pretending or making it sound really good or convincing you. That’s what I talk about the evolution of the ego. That book I talk about the cheerleading ego. It loves to be there beside you pretending to be that voice of inspiration and empowerment and encouragement. It’s like, yeah, that would be great. You can meet lots of people. It would be awesome. Just say yes, it’ll feel good and it creates these feel good feelings, but it’s all artificial feelings. Discerning between a true heart yes and a heart no is essential. Learning how to do that will change your life, but it will also save you a lot of time, money and energy.
When I discovered the artificial feel good for me, it was like a huge light bulb went on and I started to look back at all of the times I said yes and it was actually a no. It was an artificial Yes. So this subtle discernment is essential and sometimes in order to really subtly discern, you need to join with somebody else who is intuitive as well or who can tune into your intuition with you, tune in with you because that will allow you to really truly discern what’s underneath. Because if you have an attachment to the answer being one yes or the answer being no. If you have an attachment or fear, that will actually block your true absolute heart Yes from expressing itself. So to be able to discern on your own. If you focus on, if it’s an absolute heart yes, then it’s yes. If it’s not an absolute heart yes, then it’s a no. Then you’ll be able to discern for yourself. If you would like to join with somebody, then that will help you get into more of the subtle discernment and be able to build your confidence and in aligning with your heart Yes more and more and discerning your heart no more and more.
Okay, so buying yourself some time, saying no without an excuse story or any kind of information other than, no, I’m not available or no, that doesn’t work for me, and then if it’s not an absolute yes, it’s a no. Those are the first three. We’re going to take a short break. I’m going to share some more and go into more about people pleasing and why it’s important to stop doing it altogether and I’ll share more information also about the ego mind hacks a little bit as well. Going back into last week’s episode as well. We’ll be right back.
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Welcome back. I am your host Sue Dumais and you’re listening to life by divine. Today I’ve been talking about the importance of no longer people pleasing. Everybody needs to stop people pleasing. It is not serving anybody. We think we’re helping and we’re not. We’re actually causing more harm and spreading more guilt and fear and negative energy around the world by saying yes when we’re meant to say no or saying no when we’re meant to say yes. it goes both ways.
Today we’ve also been talking about the art of saying no, so I shared some of the ideas and ways that you can actually say no. Buying yourself some time, saying no without any excuse or stories so you don’t give them an opportunity or an opening to convince you to come up with a creative solution and why you should and you could and then the idea of tuning into absolute heart yeses and saying yes to those. If it’s not an absolute heart yes, then it’s a no.
The other piece I would like to invite you to look at now is how, and I mentioned it, I talked about a little bit at the beginning how saying no is actually a yes in disguise. So I shared it with you in the way of saying no when you are meant to say no, gives someone else permission to say yes. It gives them an opening. It kind of holds their space and gives them an opportunity to say yes, to step up and say yes to something. Because as challenging as it is for you sometimes to maybe say no, it’s challenging for other people to say yes to certain things because it stretches them or it means they need to stand up and stand out and stand strong and that’s maybe out of their comfort zone. So by you saying no, you’re actually giving someone else an opportunity to step up and say yes and maybe shine their light a little bit brighter. So it’s a gift for them and a gift for you. The other piece I want you to recognize is every time you say no to something, you’re actually saying yes to something else.
The challenges is we focus on the no and focusing on the no actually feeds the guilt and keeps us feeling guilty and feeling bad and feeling like we let other people down. So for example, when I talked earlier about saying no to speaking at an event that was coming up the following May, because that was my heart’s guidance, it was a no, even though I wanted it to be a yes. The true heart yes, ended up being me ending up in Kenya. So that was such a gift for everybody. Now when I said no to the speaking gig, I was saying yes to Kenya, I just didn’t realize it. So in the moment we don’t always realize, we don’t always get the guidance, we don’t always see, but sometimes we can. So if you’re standing at a door and you need to say no and close the door instead of staring at the door that you’ve closed and you’ve said no to, the invitation is to turn and look at what you’re saying yes to. By saying no to this, what are you actually saying yes to? Everything we say no to there is a yes hidden and it disguised in it somewhere but you need to stop and actually look. And as you discover the more and more you do that you actually start to recognize the beauty and the miracles and the purpose that comes from saying no. So my invitation for you is every time you say no to something, instead of sitting in the guilt and the energy of no, ask yourself by saying no to this, what am I actually saying Yes to?
So that you can begin to expand into that anticipation or excitement or even the energy of the yes. The energy of yes is actually a really exciting energy. When it’s authentic, when it’s true, when it’s heart guided, when it’s an authentic heart Yes, it actually holds great potential. It has such a powerful energy. It can actually fuel our creative mind, it can actually create miracles right before our eyes. Saying no is a yes in disguise. You need to look at by saying no to this, you need to ask yourself, what am I really saying Yes to? So something as simple as saying no to let’s say certain foods actually trigger you. Maybe someone’s offering you some kind of food that has gluten in and gluten happens to trigger your body and you know that by saying yes to it, what you’re saying yes to is the pain that follows or the discomfort that follows. So if you say no to it, then what you’re actually saying yes to is feeling good. What you’re saying yes to is feeling alive inside without pain. What you’re saying yes to is a choice for your health.
For your well-being. A lot of times with food for me, I find that there are certain foods that actually lower my vibration and it actually impacts my ability to channel and there’s other foods that expand my vibration and raise and clear my channel for receiving intuition. So I may make those choices. I don’t look at them. I used to look at them as deprivation. I can’t have that. I’m not allowed to have that or that doesn’t work for me. I was saying no to it, but I kept focusing on the no until I started to look at what is the yes. What am I actually saying yes to? By saying no to these types of foods, I’m actually saying yes to being a clear channel. I’m saying yes to actually helping more people at a deeper level because the more clear my channel has become, the more laser focused and sharp my ability is to get into the root and shine light on what needs to heal. It’s powerful. The shift that’s happened. The more and more I say yes to my self care and my soul care.
Loving myself and taking care of my body and that requires me saying no to certain relationships. It requires me saying no to certain commitments. It requires me changing how I am in life and changing my relationships so that they’re just not one sided and I’m not giving, giving, giving and feeling depleted. It required a lot of shifts on my part. But every time I said yes to taking care of myself, I’m actually saying yes to servicing more people and helping more people in uplifting humanity as a whole. And for me, that’s worth it. So as I focused on that, yes. And that energy, it feeds me. I thrive in that. It aligns so clearly with my passion and my calling. It’s easy for me to say yes. Easier. Not always easy, but it’s easier.
I remember the first time I had to say no. It was an exercise that someone had given me to say no, and it literally felt like someone punched me in the stomach. And I could hardly breathe and I felt like I was going to die. I honestly felt like I was going to, I couldn’t breathe. I had this huge reaction. It was really hard for me, so I know what I’m asking for some of you is a big, big stretch and I know what I’m asking for some of you is a little bit of a stretch or uncomfortable. But trust me, it’s so worth it when you learn how to say no and you learn to align with your true, authentic heart Yes. It’s so worth it.
Now the other piece I’m going to share, the last little piece here is about practicing hindsight and expecting miracles. Those two things go together. I know that you’ve heard of regular hindsight practice. Hindsight is when you can look back and see why things happened as they did. So for me, I can look back and go, okay, that’s why I said no to that speaking gig because otherwise I wouldn’t have been able to go to Kenya that year in May. So I can see the perfection. In hindsight and by looking back and seeing it, it actually helps you trust it more and more. So for those things that still remain as a question mark, be willing to look back at them and/or be open to exploring and seeing how things are actually falling into place are coming together and seeing how the divine guidance is actually leading to something that’s serving, not just you but everybody. So it’s more being open to the big picture. And sometimes we have to look back and see that big picture coming together, seeing how things were orchestrated on our behalf and on behalf of others. It’s a gift for everyone.
When we look at expecting miracles now, when we have the mindset that the only expectation I have is to expect miracles. That’s the only expectation I have. Any other expectations sets you up for disappointment. Now, miracles happen all the time. We don’t always celebrate them. We don’t always recognize them. We don’t always shine light on them and give them space. And I’m gonna encourage you to do that. So every day you could look at that. I know people do gratitude journals. Why not do a Miracle Journal? What are three miracles that happened today? And a miracle can be something as small as a shift in your mindset, a shift from fear to love. It can be something as big as you know, something happening or something coming into fruition for you. Every miracle, no matter how small or how big deserves celebration and deserves the energy of yes. When we say yes to the miracles and celebrate the miracles, we actually allow more miracles to come. We’re actually saying yes to the universe. We’re saying yes to more miracles. When we sit and kind of question and sit in doubt and fear it, we just lower our vibration and then we sit in that energy and the universe can only meet us with that energy.
We miss out on so many opportunities to celebrate and say yes and enjoy the miracles that are coming in our lives. And we’re taught in society to. This is a part of our fear based programming. Not to talk to boost. You know, not to brag, not to celebrate. I’m encouraging you to celebrate yourself. Celebrate you. Celebrate the miracle that you are. Celebrate the miracles that you share and extend. Celebrate the miracles that you create and allow to come to fruition through you. Celebrate the miracles of others. There’s so many people looking at the energy of competition and less about collaboration and celebration.
Now the ego would have us focused on competition. The ego would have us focus on feeling jealous. The Ego would have us focus on the no’s because that’s where it thrives. It thrives in fear it and it only knows fear. The ego is a teacher of fear. When we look at our relationship with saying no, we look at our relationship with saying yes. How has that played out for you?
What have you been taught? What is your understanding of yes and no and how you’re showing for others? What is your ego dictionary definition of caring. Take a look at that one. That’s part of what I was talking about last week.
The Ego hack. The mind hacks. That’s part of what I’m going to be talking about when I move into teaching the ego game of opposites for the masterclass in the workshop that’s coming up in April, so make sure you’re on my newsletter list cause I want you to be part of that. I want to invite you there to join with us. It’s going to be a good two hour chunk of time where we’re just going to dive deep and get in there and look at identifying the ego definitions. We’re going to look at what is programmed in your subconscious mind. We’re going to quarantine it. I’m going to take you through an exercise and a healing exercise to quarantine it and clear that virus and then what we’re going to do is reprogram. Put in the new programming that’s actually aligned with the truth in your heart.
We’re going to reprogram the mind. Create new neuro-pathways so that the mind is actually wired differently. It’s a really neat exercise. I’ve done it before, not particularly with this, but I’ve done alot of energetic rewiring of people’s brains and it’s a really weird feeling for people, but it’s a really neat exercise and that’s part of what I’m going to do in that workshop, that masterclass. So I really wanna encourage you to join with me and sign up on that. I’ll share more details as we go along, but for now, get on my newsletter, on my website, heartledliving.com so that you can stay informed or you can even join us on Facebook on the open level membership, which is the heart yes movement group on Facebook as well.
I’ll be sharing more details there and creating the invitations there as well as Instagram. If you want to follow there. This information will change your mind, which is a fundamental change in the mind. It’s like changing the programming that has been there. That is keeping you stuck and keeping you running on a hamster wheel where certain things are kind of repeating certain patterns and know when you come to that place where you’re like, oh, I thought I already dealt with that. This is what we’re going to change. This is what I’m going to share. And I’ve done it with myself with four different things now four different patterns. They were still subtle, they weren’t as big as they used to be, but they were still there. And I’m like, why are they still there? And as soon as I did the exercise and took myself through the process, they’ve all shifted and I feel totally different.
I feel like I got a new brain just in the last couple weeks. It’s been interesting to experience it on that sensory level for me and then be able to share that with everybody else as I start to extend this message and this teaching, this new tool that has come in. And that’s again going back to me saying no to certain things is me saying yes to my gift, getting stronger and stronger. So I get these downloads all the time. This isn’t something new. This one just happened to be a big epiphany for me. But I get these downloads all the time. These new tools that come in, I see someone struggling or I feel myself struggling with something and then I just get these downloads. Here’s a tool, use this. And it’s really, it’s really beautiful because I have that channel open and clear.
And the way I’ve been able to do that is by not people pleasing. And by me saying no more and more when I meant to instead of doing it out of guilt and obligation. So this week my challenge to you is to say no, at least five times practice using these tools, practice using hindsight. So you can look back maybe even right now and think of times where you did say no around something or a time where you said yes around something and then in hindsight you’re like, oh, if I would’ve said no when I really wanted to say no for that when I was meant to say no, I could have said yes to this other thing. So sometimes the hindsight can go either way. Just looking back and seeing how things played out. Saying no is a yes in diguise. Every time you say no to something turn and say, okay, what am I saying yes to? Focus on that energy versus feeling the guilt and staying in the guilt.
I want you to process the guilt, but I don’t want you to camp out and the guilt. That’s what the ego would want you to do. Buy yourself some time. You don’t have to say no right away. Give yourself a little bit of time or say even if it’s by phone, just say, I’ll email you later. Let me get back to you. I just got to run right now. But let me email you and sometimes changing the, the mode of communication actually is helpful. Remember that if it’s not an absolute yes, it’s a no. If it’s not an absolute heart yes, it’s a no. Being able to discern. You’ll get better and better at discerning. But in the beginning, use that as a tool to help you say no more often and then make sure you say no without any excuse, any story, any reason, covering your mouth, bite your tongue, do whatever you need to do to stop at after you say, no, that doesn’t work for me. Stop Full Stop. Period. Nothing else. Don’t say another word. Trust me. It’ll get easier and you’ll feel empowered and you’ll have way less guilt.
And you’ll start to see the perfection when other people step up and say no to or say yes to those things that you were guided to say no to. So you’ll actually start to see the miracles that come when you actually say no. Opening up space for someone else to feel empowered and to say yes for themselves as well. So it’s a gift for everyone. It really is. So those of you that are people pleasers, recognizing that people pleasing is actually not caring. It’s not helpful. It is not serving anyone, including you, and the less and less you do it, the more and more you realize that it was based on guilt and fear. When we do things out of obligation, there is a seed planted of resentment. Whether we resent ourselves for saying yes when we were meant to say no or whether we resent others, because if we keep giving and we’re pleasing them all the time, they’re going to keep taking and they’re going to keep asking and they’re going to keep taking and they’re going to keep asking and they’re going to keep taking and then eventually we’re going to feel resentful because we’re going to feel used or we’re going to feel unappreciated or taken advantage of.
That’s the pattern. The ego loves that. That cycle, people pleasing hamster wheel, feeling guilt, resentment, people pleasing. Again, obligation. Ego loves that wheel. My invitation for you is to get off that hamster wheel to change the programming in your mind, to change the way you’ve been interacting with people and start to make a different conscious choice to follow your heart, knowing that your heart is in service to everyone everywhere, all together, all at once and that’s really what we truly want is to be in service to everyone, including us. We get to enjoy life too. We get to have the miracles too. We get to experience the joy of saying, yes,
Well we can’t do that when we’re burned out. We can’t do that when we’re saying yes to everything, We can’t do that when we’re giving, giving, giving and we’re emptying our heart fully and giving from an empty cup. That’s not serving anyone. Certainly not serving us cause it comes at a self sacrifice. If we can’t fill your heart and give from the overflow then it’s not sustainable. So saying no. The Art of saying no is saying yes to filling your heart, to giving from the overflow, to showing others by example how to love self. In the process of extending and nurturing, we can actually nourish ourselves while nurturing others. That’s totally possible and there’s no self sacrifice and no depletion and no resentment. Just love, an extension of love and a receiving of love. That’s what the world needs more. We don’t need fear sprinkled as caring. We need more authentic, genuine heart yeses that are an authentic, genuine extension of of love and we’re all capable of it. You’re capable of love it without people pleasing. Trust me, you’re capable of it by saying no. You’re capable of it. I’m going to encourage you to say no more. Say No more often
so that you can say yes, yes to your heart, yes to your calling, yes to the miracles, yes to the life that you’re meant to live at this time. There’s an extraordinary life waiting for you.
I love you. I appreciate you. I see you. Until next week, namaste.
You’ve been listening to life by divine, shift your consciousness from head to heart and enliven your soul as you discover how to lead with your heart and live your own life by divine. Join Sue and the growing global heart led living community at heartledliving.com