Many people experience a lot fear and judgment around asking for help. For some people the thought of asking for help doesn’t even cross their mind. It is not even an option in their awareness.
We are taught to be strong, independent and self sufficient and to fear what others will think about us and our actions. The old “What will the neighbours think?” fear based thinking is engrained in our minds. Fear of judgment is paralyzing.
My mentor Les Brown has told me many times “Ask for help, not because you are weak but because you want to remain strong.”
Asking for help is the opposite of weakness. In fact, in today’s society it takes great strength and courage to ask for help. The key is to overcome the fear of judgment and shift your perspective around what asking for help really means.
Let’s begin with overcoming the fear of judgment. It is essential to remember that we cannot feel judged if we don’t fear judgment. It is our fear that stops us in our tracks. It is fear that keeps us from taking risks. It is fear that holds us imprisoned in our own minds.
The good news is that fear stems from a thought or belief in our mind. It is a programmed thought or belief downloaded by society. When fear meets fear, fear expands. Up until now we have been a fear based society, but ultimately fear is a choice we make in our mind and my intention is to shift fear into love in every moment.
Here is a heart work tool I share in my book “Heart Led Living ~ When Hard Work Becomes Heart Work”
The Fear Process is an effective tool to help shift fear in the moment it arises.
Step 1. F – full stop: find stillness and take 10 deep breaths. Fritz Perls teaches “Fear is excitement without the breath”. When we experience fear our breath becomes shallow and restricted. When we focus our attention to slowing and lengthening our breath the energy of fear immediately begins to transform. This is a simple but powerful step.
Step 2. E – empty/express: bring all thoughts of fear into your awareness for healing. When we look directly at fear and shine light on it, we discover just how distorted our thinking is and fear dissolves. If we don’t empty all our thoughts of fear some will remain in our subconscious and remain active in our energy field. Think of it as emptying a bowl or emptying our minds.
Step 3. A – acceptance: make peace with your thought of fear and resist the need to cast blame on anyone. Take ownership of how your fear and accept it fully. “I am afraid to ask for help and it’s ok. I am afraid of rejection and it’s ok.”
Step 4. R – receive: get out of your head and drop into your heart for guidance around healing your fear-filled thoughts. Be wide open to any insight to help you see a new perspective. What if asking for help is simply an invitation for another person to extend love to you or your cause? In fact, not asking for their help is denying them the opportunity to extend love. Once you can try on a new perspective then make a conscious choice to be wide open to receive their love as well as further insight.
Now let’s take a moment to further explore the fear of judgment. I need you to remember that you cannot feel judged if you don’t fear judgment. After using the FEAR Process we create space in our mind for a new perspective and an opening for a new way of being in life.
One of the 10 “Heart Led Living” principles in my book is “Be Curious”. A curious mindset instantly dissolves judgment. When we shift from judgment to curiosity we become willing and open to explore a new perspective.
First step is acceptance “I don’t know and it’s ok”.
The second step opens our mind to new possibilities. “I don’t know but I am curious”. It is designed to help us get out of our head and into our heart. The mind thinks it knows but our heart knows it knows. When we let our heart take the lead we tap into the field of infinite possibilities.
I recently launched my Heart Led Living Foundation and was guided to raise funds to travel to Kenya to support my friend Edel Quinn as she educates and empowers women in the Kibera Slums. While this cause is near and dear to my heart when it came time to ask for help in the way of financial donations I felt uneasy. The key to healing is awareness. The moment I noticed resistance I was willing to look directly at it. I have definitely become more comfortable with asking for help over the years but I realized I was still resistant about asking for money.
I remembered a story about Mother Theresa. When she was asked by others “How can I help your cause?” her immediate response was “I need money”.
I shifted the perspective in my mind and started to see money as a tool to extend love and support. We put so much value and meaning on money but the truth is money is just energy and energy is meant to come and go, ebb and flow. It is essentially an exchange of love.
So I am not asking for money. I am asking for others to extend their hearts and offer love in the form of money to support a cause that empowers impoverished women to find their passion and start their own businesses. Every penny goes to uplift humanity by providing a “hand up” not a “hand out” and all donates are given with love.
So the next time you ask for help follow the steps to process fear and become curious. Embrace the truth that asking for help is actually an invitation to extend and receive love. The universe is calling for collaboration and community. We are all being called to return to love and asking for help is a beautiful way of giving and receiving love.
I would love to hear how you put these tools into action. It is one thing to read it, it is another to integrate it into your life. Share in the comments below. My writing is an extension of my heart, it is an extension of love. Will you receive it fully?
If you are inspired and feeling a heart nudge to find out more about the Heart Led Living Foundation please read all about Edel and our first heart led cause here. If you feel it in your heart to donate we are wide open to receive your extension of love.
Namaste ~ sue xo
