Who Is The Real Bully? Four Things Everyone Needs To Do

By May 19, 2016article

bullying-imageThe words that keep ringing in my mind are “Who is the real bully?”. We hear a lot about anti-bully campaigns in schools and messages  aimed to teach kids to be kind to each other. The incidence of bullying in schools is on the rise or perhaps it is just becoming more and more recognized and the introduction of cyber bullying is another way our children are being affected. But again I ask myself “Who is the real bully?”

Are kids the bullies?

Are adults the bullies?

Are the politicians the bullies?

Are we as a society bullies?

Are parents, friends and family bullies?

Am I a bully?

The truth is we are all bullies.

Everyone one of us has the ability to be a bully. Whether we are bullying ourselves through self judgment and punishment or bullying others, we all have the ability to be a bully. It is not just kids that bully, in fact, adult bullying is much more harmful and dangerous because we feel justified in some way.

If a kid is a bully it is wrong. If an adult posts a mean comment on someone’s Facebook page, it is considered freedom of speech. I have seen some really mean comments posted by adults and it is shocking. Many are so cruel it makes me wonder if they had to say it to the person’s face whether they would have the courage to. Bullying doesn’t feel good no matter what age, online or in person and no matter what the circumstances are.

Last night I had just finished with our animals at the barn and came into the house when my son told me he broke a glass. I know it was an accident but I was tired and feeling annoyed and so my response was not so kind. Something like “Why can’t you be more careful? Hurry up and go grab the vacuum. I am tired and I want to go to bed.” He already felt bad and my words and tone made him feel even worse.

A Course in Miracles teaches “we are never upset for the reason we think”. I was actually upset about something that happened earlier in the evening and I reacted to my son from a place of feeling hurt and tender. A friend’s unexpected negative response toward me caused a heaviness in my heart. I was still processing it and was easily triggered when my son broke a glass. When we cleaned it up my guilt set in.

I realized in that moment I was a bully.

That is even hard to type. I was a bully to my son. I reacted based on my own hurt feelings that were still present only to turn around and hurt him. Oh the guilt was ripe and strong. YUCK! I can feel it rising again as I  share these words.

I took a deep breath, I declared I was totally willing to be wrong, I made a conscious choice for love and asked Spirit to give me the words.

I hugged my son and apologized for the way I responded. I told him I know  he didn’t mean to break the glass and reminded him that I love him no matter what. Again I repeated I was sorry. Luckily he is very forgiving.  We worked a lot on forgiveness during our homeschooling adventure this year school year.

In every moment we are choosing one of two teachers. Ego or Spirit. Spirit teaches us love and ego teaches us fear. So in each moment we are choosing love or fear. “A Course in Miracles” teaches that fear is really a call for love. So another way to see it is a choice for love or a call for love. We all make this choice at a conscious or subconscious level.

As long as we are choosing ego we are choosing to be a bully. Whether we bully ourselves or others, every choice for fear creates a ripple of effect of pain and suffering.

Love is a powerful force for change.

It is a powerful energy that can be used to heal our entire planet. If we all made a conscious choice for love the world would be transformed right before our eyes. It all begins within our own minds.

How do we shift our inner bullies and inspire others to do the same?

Here are four of the ten Heart Led Living principles from my book applied to this post to help everyone heal their own inner bully, be a compassionate witness for others and embrace love.

  1. Be curious – a curious mindset dissolves judgment. Remember in every moment we are either observing or judging. We are conditioned to judge so we need to make a conscious choice to observe without judgment. Step back and observe the behaviour (yours or someone else’s) and remain curious about how to handle the situation. Remember all bullying is a call for love. Sometimes your heart will lead you to take inspired action and other times you will be guided to walk away. Either way be a compassionate witness. Trust your intuition.
  2. Be willing to heal – this opens a door in our mind to look at our own leftovers that need healing. It also requires a willingness to be wrong. As long as you are thinking you are right and they are wrong, you are making a choice for fear (ego). When you are willing to be wrong, it opens up space for the guidance to come in.
  3. Be open to anything – This includes being open to healing, being open to being wrong as well as being open to forgiveness, being open to standing up and speaking out. It is about being wide open to follow the guidance from within. To listen to your heart and have the courage to speak when guided and having the strength to remain silent and walk away, forgive and let go.
  4. Choose love – a conscious choice for love is powerful and will have a greater impact than we realize. This doesn’t mean we put up with or condone bullying behaviours, it means that we are willing to choose Spirit as our teacher and our guide to give us direction in each moment. Whether we are guided to say something or be a silent compassionate witness, a choice for love is an opportunity for deep healing and alignment with our true source.

My prayer today is that everyone makes a conscious choice for love

That we all find peace within their own heart and mind.

That we all have the courage to stand up and speak our Truth.

That we all see one another as deserving of our time, energy and love.

That we see ourselves in the eyes of others and recognize we are all connected.

That we become compassion witnesses for each call for love and we answer that call with our whole hearts.

My prayer today is LOVE for all.

namaste…I see you…I love you,


Leave a Reply